So our body and mind, one and the same, are apt to changes. We established this last time; Butter & Milk, right? But are we always in tune with this?

Do we give in? Do we battle against it? Or do we truly accept?

Harry Brown said that Security is ‘simply the recognition that changes will take place and the knowledge that you’re willing to deal with whatever happens’.

Well, I’m going to let you into a little secret, my lovely reader: security in pregnancy is something that we can all achieve. If you understand that there is a very big difference between simply throwing our hands in the end and saying ‘I have no choice so I had better get used to it’ as opposed to throwing our arms around the occasion and saying ‘I am ready for you’, then we are half way there already.  It is not about having control over the situation; rather, it is about not allowing everything to take control of you. It is about relinquishing security.

Your baby within you now is moving; whether you are 4 weeks pregnant with an embryo freshly burrowed into your internal crevices, half-way through the 10 moon cycles with a somersaulting miniature-you swirling inside or at the end of your pregnancy journey with a wiggling bottom sticking into your ribcage, the movements are there. Just doing their thing. The baby is ‘being’ not thinking;  secure. She has your blood-flow and heartbeat, beautiful sounds to soothe her in her transitory moments so that she is able and willing to deal with her evolution each and every day.

You may swipe your fingers over your ‘pregnancy day-by-day’ app and learn of the nuances but you do not always feel that you are willing to deal with whatever happens.

For, as that baby just does her thing, you, Mama, catch the jitters. Anxieties. Insecurities.

Is the baby growing PROPERLY. Are the changes healthy? Has her spine formed correctly? is she laying with her head in the right direction? Is she growing at the correct rate? IS SHE CHANGING AS SHE SHOULD? Our insecurities surface in so many ways, one way being the tightening of our bodies, the one thing that we want to avoid as we work to make our body buttery and pliable, ready to melt away as we need it to when Birth arrives.

And as you sit there, belly swelling with baby and a mind grateful but pickled with opinions which are grabbing your frazzled attention from every quadrant, you need some help. Authentic help, food to fill YOUR needs rather than to allow those well-meaning people around you to relay their own truths and stories. Our bodies were made to yield, the buttery-soft physiology that we were graced with is in place; the yielding of the mind can be a little trickier.

So, it is time to take stock. Smell it out. Use your lioness’ sense of intuition and work out what brings security into your body and mind.. Search for the book, the sentences, the stories, the persona’s, the touch, the guidance which jive with you and just as you listen and weed out all that does not serve you, take everything that you can which will cushion you with so much inner confidence that you can always step over those frightening thresholds by yourself and know, just KNOW that all will be well at the end. You create your village of energies who really revel in the changes within and around you who accept all that is happening and help you find the safe place inside of yourself to embrace all that stuff too. You banish, little by little, the insecurities around your involuntary physical and emotional changes by also banishing anything which does not see the beauty in that.

And how to get there? Steps to take?

  1. If you are going to read, which is never a bad thing if you are the sort of person who feels more confident with knowledge, then choose your material wisely. Ina May Gaskin, for example, merges her decades of medical knowledge  with a deep respect and confidence in birth and birthing women in her bestselling books. Spiritual Midwifery & Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth are two of the most empowering pregnancy books I have ever come across.
  2. Learn to be a gracious but reserved listener. It seems that when one is pregnant the whole world wants to give you their birth stories. It’s a beautiful thing to be sisters and to share our tales but it is not so joyful when we are given accounts of traumatic events. It does not serve us is any way. The backbone of this is that one persons experience is not yours; pregnancies and births are even completely separate in one woman. Make your experience sacred, understand that this is a unique occurrence; what is happening to you, right now, right this minute, is not happening to anybody else anywhere. You are you, they are them. Honour that. Enjoy this ride and look for words of encouragement rather than often well-meaning but unnecessary and scary stories.
  3. Meditate. That’s right…meditate. You do not have to be in half-lotus, upon a pretty cushion, with a baby Buddha before you.  If it helps, sure, do it. If that just seems like too much effort or not quite YOU, simply just lay or sit yourself down, imagining your feet rooting into the Earth and your crown reaching towards white light. You can imagine the energy from both directions cascading throughout your body and  focus only on relaxing each and every muscle into the surface beneath your body. In this space of time, upon your bed with your belly just being your belly and you just being you and no particular opinion or thought in your head, your own feelings and opinions will emerge. Place your hands upon your belly and focus on the changes that are beyond your control. The absolute gorgeousness of new life. The miracle.  Out of the confusion, you will gather clarity. It doesn’t always come quickly or easily but 10 minutes a day…you are finding your secure space, Your sweet spot. And the neatest thing about it is that you can bring yourself back to this place whenever those resistances, those anxieties, rear their pesky little heads.

In the last few days of pregnancy as you wonder how your body will change from closed cervix to open wide with your baby emerging, or as you sit in the early moments of labour, alert to the nudging alterations as your journey moves from closing scenes to the next chapter with motherhood before you, a script without a definite schedule for the end-credits.

Whenever and whatever those insecurities might bring, remember that they do not have to get the better of you, they don’t have to announce the way that this is going to go, they are there merely to reveal your pains have so that you know when to slink off again to your sweet spot and find that inner resolve. That buttery softness. The part of this whole process which makes it divine.

 Security is recognising that this is all going to happen and you are dealing with it, making it yours. Accept your changes and make them sweet; love your worries, bless them and blow them away. You are doing this, mama. Enjoy the journey.